Willothewisp Blog

I am very happy to report that Judith is now awake, talking, and taking some water. There was a delay in waking after a decision yesterday to keep her under for a little longer to allow post-operative swelling to settle down. At six am her Drs started the processes of bringing her gently up. After two hours it was felt she was within thirty minutes of being aware of her surroundings so she was moved out of intensive care to the high dependency unit, her doctors having learnt from the mistakes they made last time. By ten am she said her first few words, she was asking for her children so we knew we had our girl back!

Tests on her sight are going to be done later, but we showed her the morning’s news paper and she was able to read the headlines, the sub headings and to our joy the body text without any aid. Just prior to the surgery she was having problems doing even this.

Now the best thing for her is rest and as you cannot rest when tense people are around you, we have all withdrawn. Her father, a man whose mere presence radiates calm and peace, will be keeping watch over her this evening. Tonight her guide dog Sissi will take up residence in her room, she is the best of guardian angels to have watch over her!

Beste
Tyjardia vL

I am betting no one else has thought to provide an update on Judith’s progress so I had better. She had her neurosurgery today in order to sort out some problems with scar tissue and have her permanent metal skull plates placed back in. Her surgeons found more scar tissue that they had expected from the pre-op scans and so removed as much as they could without causing any other problems. The plates went back on without any problems. Judith was in surgery for a little under eight hours and is now in ICU where they are going to keep her in an induced coma for twenty four hours to allow post operative swelling to go down but so far everything looks good.

The next big step is when she is woken up, this is a tricky step for a number of reasons associated with her previous trauma and surgeries but at least this time it has been well planned in advance. If all goes well she could be out of hospital in seven to ten days.
We will keep you informed.

Beste,
Tyjardia vL

I so loath and despise depression. For months now I have found myself mentally paralysed by it, I feel like it has robbed me of my voice,  my ability to write. Worse than this it has seized upon the process started by last year’s blindness and eroded further my self confidence.

I go online to chat to friends there and find myself so lacking in what  I used to think of as “me” that my mind becomes scrambled and words fly away leaving me unable to speak. I sit looking at their names on the screen willing myself to go forward and chat to just say even  a simple “Hoi”, an hour later I am still sitting, still looking. I want to write long letters to old close friends but again the blackness comes down and I sit there impotent, useless, silent.

“Be patient” I am told by those  of experience; “Wait, flow with it, one day it will come back to you” they soothingly sign to me, and I try, I really do but it is so very hard to excuse your own silly failings. I am told that its normal, brain surgery will do this. It will leave you depressed and lost but such reassurance does not make me hate myself for my weakness any less.

So for now I plunge into the Nina and the children for therapy, and try to use my summer garden as a muse to my thoughts. In my head I compose long rambling letters to friends and try to think what they maybe doing now, to picture their lives, ease their worries, then I sign my mental letter in my head – “With All My Love” because while I cannot set the words down it is still how I feel towards each and every one of them.

At least depression cannot take that away from me.

Author: Judith

 

Yesterday One of my clients who had given birth to a healthy boy last week asked me if it was possible for a woman to nurse an infant other than her own. I was surprised at the question because after months of ante-natal classes I would have thought she would know the answer. I tactfully pointed out that a lactating woman could in fact nurse any infant, either directly or by providing expressed milk. I went on to point out that the practice I work in runs a milk bank for that purpose, where those who had a surplus of milk could provide for those unable to take milk from their own mothers. I also told her about Wet Nursing, a practice rather out of fashion since WW2 but now gaining ground again.

 

It turns out that she had asked me because her sister-in-law was a couple of months away from adopting a baby girl and she wanted to help her get the best start in life possible. It was a very noble thought for her to have and I confirmed that yes she could nurse (Wet Nurse) her sister-in-laws adopted baby or provide expressed milk for her, but why was her sister-in-law not considering breastfeeding the child herself ?

There followed a pause and blank look, then a startled look. “She is not pregnant herself, she is adopting the baby as soon as she is born !” she exclaimed. I told her I had understood and yet my question remained. “But Nina, she has never been pregnant, cannot get pregnant that is why she is adopting”. I informed her that pregnancy and lactation were not mutually dependant, any woman has the potential to lactate once she is past puberty. Her response was not untypical…………………

“You are kidding!”

I told her that my own wife Judith had done this, firstly with our adopted son and again when I gave birth to our daughter. Both occasions had been successful and extremely effective, particularly in dealing with the myriad of issues our adopted son had come to us with. In both cases the resulting maternal bonds that had been forged had provided a very valuable demonstration of the value of nursing. In the end I gave her Judith’s email address to give to her sister and told her to contact Judith should she wish to learn more and left it at that thinking no more of it.

 Last Friday Judith asked me why there were suddenly seven letters in her in tray asking about Adoptive Breastfeeding. It seems that my client had been busy spreading word of her revelation! Then in my weekly ante-natal class I was asked to provide more information on Adoptive Breastfeeding. I was a little amused given that those asking were all already pregnant and on the verge of lactating anyway but almost to a woman they each knew someone who might be able to make use of it or just be interested in learning more about it. In place of eating into our own class time I suggested that I ask my wife to provide a class talk in a couple of weeks.

So now I have handed this over to Judith and Tyjardia who are going to arrange to give an informal class on Adoptive Breastfeeding (ABf) and Wet Nursing. In addition to this they are going to add a few pages on the subject to our main web site. It is very heartening to see the steady rise of breastfeeding and the decline of formula feeds. The interest in ABf /Wet Nursing is a very natural extension of this of this revised open-mindedness.

So, here are the pages they added to our main web site:

1. Induced Lactation -  Adoptive Breastfeeding
2. Inducing Lactation - A How To

Author: Nina

A judge in Saudi Arabia has told a seminar on domestic violence that it is “OK” for a man to slap his wife for lavish spending. He said “If her husband slaps her……..she deserved that punishment” said judge Hama al-Razine.  “If a person gives SR 1,200  to his wife and she spends 900 riyals to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment.” Were his exact words, keep in mind he is a judge !

Saudi women’s rights activist Wajeha Al-Huwaider tells us that Saudi women routinely face such attitudes.

“This is how men in Saudi Arabia see women, it’s not something they read in a book or learned from a friend. They’ve been raised to see women this way, that they’re less than a person.  I’m not surprised to see a judge or a religious man saying that – they’ve been raised in the same culture – a culture that tells them it’s ok to raise your hand to a woman that this works.”

Another Saudi judge, in the city of Onaiza, was the source of a separate recent controversy: he twice denied a request from the mother of an 8-year-old girl that the girl be granted a divorce from her 47-year-old husband. It was only after human-groups condemned the union, the girl was granted the divorce, left to Saudi Sharia religous law she would still be married and facing a future of legalised rape.

I have long said that no religion should ever be allowed to have anything to do with the administration of law because such power in the hands of misogynistic religions can only lead to abuses. Statements such as those made by “men” like al-Razine (my curses be upon him) only reinforces that view. If islam is ever going to progress from the stone age, stone throwing stage it remains at today then Sharia has to be abolished as just one of the many reforms it needs. This would go a long way to erode the misogyny at the heart of muslim society.

Here in The Netherlands there is an endemic of domestic violence against women in muslim households. If you try to raise the issue and highlight the plight of Dutch muslim women you can be sure of one thing, you will receive threats of violence, even death threats, from various of the crazy muslim groups. One film maker, Theodoor “Theo” van Gogh, was shot, stabbed & hacked to death for making a film trying to give a voice to this issue in 2004. The 10-minute movie Submission turned out to be a death sentence in a world where many muslims live in fear of any criticism of their mighty religion and the shedding of light on the systemic, legalised abuse of muslim women. Clearly they also feel that any such criticism warrants the death of those making it and so after incitement from Imam Fawaz of the as-Sunnah Mosque in The Hague Mohammed Bouyeri went out to do “god’s work”.

Author: Judith