Willothewisp

Archive for the ‘Motherhood & Children’ Category

Reflections  On Love Part I

Across the lawn on the green wall, where she grows salad produce Judith is picking salad leaves with Mariakse, our three year old, the first born of my womb. Those leaves will go into the bowl to go with our meal this evening. She grows an amazing range of herbs and leaves there, many of which have a medicinal quality but all of which go to make some beautifully fragrant salad combinations. She is wearing one of her white linen summer dresses that mark the line of her slender frame so nicely. I am reflecting on the beauty I see. Mariaske is sitting on her shoulders to reach leaves at the top of the wall. I could hear Judith giving her instructions, always so very patient with the children, to me it is part of her beauty. The dipping evening sun was shinning through that white dress showing another aspect of her beauty. The funny thing is that I can see her naked form any time I wish but as I watched her there the covering of her long white dress seemed to be all the more erotic. I know that many couples on becoming parents feel a loss of their sexuality but watching that lovely form I wondered just how that could be because for me becoming a mother has enhanced the sensuality in my life. The more I watched the more I wanted to slip upstairs with her for a few minutes, and with those rather tantalising thoughts in my head I dozed off in the evening sun.

Jacopo Tintorett's Origin Of The Milky Way

Breast Milk & The Creation Of The Universe, a story in which I am naked on the couch under the softest of blankets with two males tucked up against me as I recount the creation of the Milky Way.

At three am Nina was sound asleep as I sat in the rocking chair by the French windows of our bedroom nursing Joost. I had drawn the curtains back and could feel the slightly chillier air coming off the windows despite the triple glazing. I do not know why I still do this it is not like I can see out into the dark anymore so I am guessing that I just enjoy the slight chill and the memory of looking into the dark. It did give me an excuse to draw the cashmere blanket, a beautiful and expensive Christmas gift from Nina, around mine and Joost’s nakedness wrapping us both in its soft warmth. Around us both the house and the world slept, or so I hoped.

Sissi stirred from her basket beside our bed and came to tell me someone else in the house was awake, very little escapes her notice. Rather than disturb Joost I sat and waited and sure enough within a minute Nicholas’s head peaked around the bedroom door. I signed to him to come on in and asked him why he was awake. A dream, not a bad one, had woken him up and now he was restless, standing there in his PJs he looked cold and in need of some hugs so keeping Joost firmly supported in one arm I moved us and the blanket over to the bedroom couch. Once settled I was able to open up the blanket and envelop all three of us in its softness, then just for good measure Sissi decided she want to be part of it and came up as well.

There we all sat cuddled together. Joost continuing to suckle, fall asleep, wake, suckle and fall asleep again on one side, Nicholas resting tight up against my other side watching Joost closely while glancing up to see the snow falling outside and all under a soft blanket warmed by a dog. After a few minutes I signed with one hand and asked Nicholas what he was thinking.

“The snow flakes in the moonlight look like stars in the Milky Way” He signed back. Nicholas is fascinated by astronomy at the moment and is devouring every book and internet site he can find about the subject so I asked if his new studies were going well.

“Yes Moeder, but………….why is it called the MILKY way, it does not look like milk” as he said this his finger scooped up a dribble of milk that had escaped Joost’s mouth and run out over my breast and held the milk drop up to me. I could not have designed the moment if I had been trying, by happy chance it was a perfect lead into telling him a little story, so signing with my free hand I told him………………………………………..

“ Many, many years ago during the times of the Romans and Greeks there was a tale of one of their gods, Hercules. In fact he was a demigod, being the son of the god  Zeus, and the mortal Alcmena. Alcmena was the daughter of Electryon, king of Mycenae. Her mother was queen Anaxo. It was said that their daughter Alcmene was the most beautiful woman in the world with a wisdom surpassed by no person born of mortal parents. Her face and dark eyes were as charming as Aphrodite’s, and that she honoured her husband like no woman had before her. One day her brothers were ambushed and killed by worriers from two tribes, the Taphians and Teleboans. She loved her brothers dearly and swore their deaths would be avenged one day. She asked her future husband Amphitryon to be the one to avenge their deaths for her and he agreed so they married. Some time before her husband had accidently killed Alcemena’s father Electron so she first asked her husband to go to Thebes to be purified by Creon because he had accidentally killed her father Electryon. Alcmene said that she would marry Amphitryon once he had avenged the death of her brothers.

Amphitryon decided to mount an expedition against the Taphians and Teleboans to avenge the deaths of her brothers thus fulfilling his promise to his wife. While he was away fighting that the god  Zeus visited Alcmene disguised as Amphitryon. Zeus had heard about her great beauty and wanted to see Alcmene for himself. As soon as he saw her he was entranced by this mortal woman’s great beauty and decided that he wanted to be with her, so he took his evil deception further and bedded her. Such was his delight with her he stayed several nights and so Alcmene became pregnant with Hercules all the time believing that she had been with her husband.

When the real Amphitryon finally returned to Thebes, Alcmene told him that he had come the night before and slept with her but of course he had no idea of this and so eventually they learnt what Zeus had done. Knowing his dear wife was an honorable woman and would never knowingly have betrayed him with Zeus Amphitryon forgave her though it was not necessary.

When Alcmene was about to give birth to Hercules, Zeus announced to all the gods that on that day a child, descended from himself, would be born who would rule all those around him. Hera, Zeus’s wife, asked her husband Zeus swear an oath to that effect which he happily did. Then Hera, angry at her husband for bedding Alcmene descended from Mount Olympus, home of the gods, to Argos and made the wife of Sthenelus, a son of Perseus, tgive birth to Eurytheus, the baby she was expecting, two months early, while at the same time prevent she prevented Alcmene from birthing Heracles. This cruel trick resulted in the fulfillment of Zeus’s oath by Eurystheus rather than his own son Heracles.

When Alcmene was in labour she was having difficulty giving birth to such a large child. After seven days and nights in agony, Alcmene stretched out her arms and called upon Lucina, the goddess of childbirth to help. However, while Lucina did go to Alcmene, she was instructed by Juno to stop the delivery. With her hands clasped and legs crossed, Lucina muttered charms and spells, thereby preventing Alcmene from giving birth. Alcmene struggled in pain, she cursed the heavens, and became close to death. Galanthis, a devoted maid and doula to her mistress Alcmene observed Lucina’s actions and quickly deduced Juno’s plans. She decided to stop their devious plot and so announced that Alcmene had in fact safely delivered her child. This surprised Lucina so much that she immediately jumped up and unclenched her hands. As soon as Lucina leapt up, Alcmene was released from her spell and gave birth to Heracles. As punishment for deceiving Lucina, Galanthis was transformed into a weasel but ever faithful she continued to live with Alcmene for the rest of her life.

Alcmene was so exhausted after her long labour with Hercules that afterwards she slept deeply, during her sleep Zeus returned and took Hercules and put him to his own wife Juno’s breast while she also slept. He did this because he knew that if his son suckled from his wife who was a goddess then he would become instilled with the power of the gods. As Zeus suckled from Juno she woke and she took her breast from the baby Hercule’s mouth and her milk sprayed out across the heavens and in doing so the vast spray of goddess’s milk created the stars of what became the “Milky Way”. Some milk splashed to the earth and where the drops fell a new flower, white Lilies grew. This is how the stars above came to be called the Milky Way”

I had been hoping that the story would lull Nicholas off to sleep but when I looked to his face it was to see that he was now more awake than before, in fact his visage was one of the utterly fascinated and entranced !

“Wow !” he exclaimed “Of course mother it could not really happen but it’s a great story” He paused a few moments before adding “I don’t think you or Mama spray the heavens…….. just the other side of the room sometimes !”Naturally I did not mention that on occasion I certainly felt that I could spray the heavens, instead I just smiled.

van der Roos household, bedroom couch & blanket

There then followed a lot more questions about Alcmene, Zeus, Lucina and the rest until eventually his hands slowed down, and his body settled more against me and he was asleep. It was nearly five am and in an hour my day would start again, so under our blanket with my two sons pressed tightly to my skin and the soft beautiful smells of them both filling my head and my feet warmed by Sissi I dozed while snow continued to fall outside. Despite really needing to sleep I did not because that would mean missing that wonderful moment in my life. Too often we live our lives surrounded by so much noise and chaos that we miss the most precious of moments, but there and then I had time enough to see for what it was, a perfect moment in time and perfect moments are so rare.

So there I sat as on my feet Sissi rolled onto her back with her paws in the air as she enjoyed the warmth afforded by so much company on the couch. On my chest Joost had fallen asleep his cheek pressed deeply into the flesh of my bosom, his tiny little hands moving about in his sleep as though waving to us even as he was deeply away in his world of slumber.

On the other side Nicholas slept with his thumb in his mouth, his face a picture of utter contentment. My mind drifted to the time six or seven years ago when he came to us. Then he was a terribly traumatized and neglected child, he could not be left for a moment without becoming terrorized that I might not return. When I held him to me he would be rigid, his hands gripping me so tightly in constant fear of the moment I might put him down and not return that he left deep nail marks in my skin. He had been born into a world of silence an so he needed to be touched constantly, to be able to see a face and see your lips moving even though he could not hear the words. I spent long hours caressing his face and hands while talking to him, but still terror remained. So deeply embedded was his terror of being alone that after three months I often despaired in the cold dark hours of dawn that he would ever be normal but then one day my mother, after watching carefully the daily struggle with him told me what he needed.

A couple of weeks later, with my mother’s knowledgeable assistance, some herbs and some deft stimulation I was able to nurse Nicholas. Instantly, really, truly instantly he was calm regardless of how much milk he drew from me. Within days he learnt that even if I was out of his sight that I would be back and any panic he has would be washed away. After a few weeks as my milk supply came fully in he was starting to gain weight, then his skin problems improved along with his digestive problems. He no longer screamed or beat himself against the cot sides, he no longer scratched himself just to feel some sort of stimulation and he no longer removed flesh when in my arms. As I poured something of myself into him I watched his body and his spirit heal. Over the next two months he sweetened into the placid and gentle child he is today.

He still loves to have his hands and feet rubbed, and when he needs comfort his face also. Looking now at the child he was and the child he has become, I now do the same with Joost I wonder how he will look in six years time. I watch their sleeping faces happy to see them growing up while also wishing they wouldn’t, trying in my mind to freeze that moment in time again.

Foot Note

A few random thoughts……………

I feel I have an embarrassment of riches, but it is an embarrassment that I am happy to have.

I am still so overwhelmed by what Nina did for me, without her kindness I would not have been able to write about that lovely night above.

I think we have finally settled things and have Joost’s final name, just have to check with a dear friend first before announcing it.

Author: Judith

Gelukkig nieuwjaar aan alle Geelse lezers  -  Happy new year to all our readers!

What a wonderful way to start a new year……..

This morning at 08.30 CET Nina gave birth to a baby boy here at her home amongst her family. Baby is fit and well at 3284 grams, 50.7cm long. His name is most likely to be Joost Karl van der Roos, though this has not been fixed yet ! His birth was faultless and he nursed within a couple of minutes of emerging. Birth mother Nina is also well, displaying few signs of having given birth only this morning, she is in all ways a professional ! Two hours after delivering baby she was playing Monopoly with Nicholas, Hilke and grandparents.

Mother Judith has spent most of the day holding baby Joost, unable to talk without crying for much of the day, overwhelmed by the truly wonderful gift of her own child that Nina has made her. She has been a picture of utter contentment, and perhaps still a little overwhelmed. This afternoon exhaustion finally overcame them and their children and we got everyone to bed for a long afternoon nap.

I doubt that I could ever properly express how immensely proud we are of Nina, and how happy we are that she has so firmly established the family she wanted, and in doing so brought such happiness to our beloved Judith, but we are.

Author: Tyjardia.

It is hard to believe that it is Christmas already, the last couple of weeks have really rushed by and now here it is, the big day.

Last night we had a wonderful Christmas Eve Night having spent most of the day at Nina & Judith’s home where there was a full house crammed with four generations as well as god children, friends, guide dogs and several cats (one of which is theirs). As usual we were all well fed with some incredible treats springing from Judith’s kitchen, including a nougat ice cream that was d-e-v-i-n-e. Our adopted daughter Mia ate so much of the home made nougat that she was sick which slowed her down, but only very briefly. I also noticed that when our boys slipped out to go and meet their friends at the fair many of those sweet treats found their way into their pockets, no doubt to delight some young female friends ! We are of course waiting for the latest addition to our extended family but Nina appears to be laying down on the job, or at least her womb is ! For those thinking she would be having a Christmas baby I regret to report that it looks unlikely.

For all of our little group this last year has been difficult but it does seem to be finishing up on positive notes for us and we hope that all of you may be as fortunate as well. Where ever you are please accept our best wishes to you, may your Christmas day be spent in good company with people who care and love you.

Kindest Regards & Love from Willothewisp.

Author: Nonke

I am pregnant.

I have to say this to myself quite often because even now, some twenty seven weeks in, I still cannot quite believe it.

I am pregnant.

I think it is because this is a very, very special pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Mariaske it was of course special, she was my first pregnancy and birthing her was life changing for me. Mere thoughts of Mariaske lights me up inside, separation from her hurts me, reunion is an intense joy, watching her tuck up with Judith or Hilke and Nicky warms me. She is as the poem said, my north, south, my east and my west. My pregnancy with her was amazing, but this pregnancy is special, this pregnancy is, well………………

Egg Hunt !
Last year when we discovered by accident that one of Judith’s ovaries was still intact and functioning in an instant I was aware of my universe stopping dead in its tracks as the doctor uttered those words. My mind ran on and I realised that here was a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful chance. A chance for Judith to have the baby I know she was born to have despite the savage and traumatic loss of her womb.

Legs Up Judith, Egg Collection Time !

My mind raced through it – harvest her eggs, freeze them, prevail on our good friend to provide some sperm once again, have the clinic combine egg and sperm and implant the fertilised ova into my womb. I then provide the hotel services for nine months and Viola baby Judith !

When time restarted again words flew out of my mouth without my conscious effort; “I Want those eggs !” It was not a request, anyone thinking it was would have been greatly mistaken, those eggs were mine, I wanted them. If necessary I would take them by force because sometimes love needs to be expressed and shown. I moved to face Judith properly to say and sign it directly to her so she could not fail to understand, despite the problems with her eyesight; “I Want those eggs !”

She knew why I wanted them of course, stupid she is not. I knew what she would say, the arguments she would make about never wanting to put me at risk with an unnecessarily complex pregnancy or medical procedures. And she knew what I would say in response. This discussion took place in the time it took for us each to blink just once. When you know your partners soul so well discussion can take place in the finite and infinite moments between time itself. Discussion had been joined, arguments for and against made, voices raised, metaphorical crockery thrown and make-up sex taken place, all in a twitch of a facial expression. Her hand found mine and I was very happy when she found her voice and said to the doctor to arrange to have those eggs harvested, because all ability to speak had left my body.

And that is where this life now growing inside me really started. (“Life now growing inside me” – WOW!)

Egg & Sperm
Of course it was not that simple, few things worthwhile ever are. Firstly we have to prevail on our dear friend Nicholas (not to be confused with our son Nicky). For lesbians men still have a place in our lives if we wish to reproduce. Nicholas kindly donated sperm for us to have Mariaske and was happy to provide again. He is a real Gentleman in every sense of the word. Then Judith had to go to have her eggs harvested. She had to have regular blood tests done to measure the levels of hormones in her blood. Additionally, she had regular ultrasounds to observe the development of the egg follicles. Once her eggs had matured, but before they have been released from the follicle, they were harvested. In case you are wondering exactly how this is done I will tell you, but you may want to cross your legs now ladies.

This is done via a special ultrasound probe in the vagina. The probe is inserted and positioned under ultrasound control until the ovary can be seen on the scanner and then a needle goes through the top of the vagina and then through to the ovary where ten to twelve eggs are gathered. Judith informs me that it does not hurt, but keep in mind this comment comes from a woman who learnt to walk on a totally shattered pelvis, in my experience things like pain are relative ! Then we waited for my body to reach the point where my menstrual cycle put my uterine lining at its ripest. Fortunately my cycle is wonderfully predicable.

Lets Go Impregnate Me !

Ova Implantation

Then one day the lab works their magic and tells us they are ready for me to come in for implantation. It is not romantic as far as conceptions go, no candle lit baths, no romantic dinner, just a gynocological exam table top but it is the only way to proceed for these things. As soon as the kids learnt what was to happen they wanted in on it. We have always included the kids on all aspects of our expanding family. When two of your precious ones are adopted you have to make sure they have an active engagement in any new baby in order to avoid them ever feeling marginalised by a new arrival. Now I will grant you that in heterosexual relationships the occasion of conception would most likely be a private affair, in a bedroom perhaps, or the back seat of a Fiat Uno, a private box at the opera for the more sophisticated crowd (been there, done it, got the opera glasses !) but practicalities of lesbian life dictate a slightly more pragmatic way for us. So let me paint you a picture of the little outing that occasioned my impregnation, because I certainly think the little crowd that turned up at the clinic surprised the doctor, and she was already used to us !

Our kids, Hilke 8, Nicholas 7 are old enough to recall me being preggars with their little sister. In order to prepare them for seeing her being born they had spent time on my in-laws farm watching some animals being born, guided by my father in law Harry. We then carefully talked to them about pregnancy and birth so that by the time Mariaske arrived there was little they did not know about birth and were not in the least bit frightened or disturbed by what they saw. Children are amazingly resilient as long as you prepare the ground well for them.

Dr Meijer asked the kids if they knew what she was going to be doing.
“Yes of course, you are putting Moeder Judith’s ova into Mama Nina’s womb” came the adult and forthright reply from Hilke. The doctor was a little taken back by her matter of fact manner but recovered well to say “Yes of course you know” then added more to herself than anyone in particular “why did I think you would not !”

With me laying on the table and draped with some clean field sheets Dr Meijer picked up a speculum and hesitated and was about explain what she was going to do when Nicky saved her the trouble;
“Its a speculum for looking inside Mama, she has some in her medical bag at home” By now I could see Dr Meijer was starting to get a little rattled, its one thing to have your prcedure watched by your peers but quite another by two overly bright kids, but fortunately Judith told the kids to hush and just let Doctor do what she needed to do, suggesting that they each take one of my hands to hold. The ploy worked long enough to keep them quiet.

Once the doctor had the speculum in and the Os of the cervix dilated Implantation was via a thin cannula inserted into my womb via the Os. It only takes a few moments and very soon everything was removed from inside me and I could put my legs down. It was then Hilke, looking directly at the doc, delivered her coup-de-gras;
“That was very fast. Are you sure you did it properly? “ I love Hilke with all my heart and I am sure that she does understand the concept of “tact” but I think she just feels no good reason to use it. With implantation completed we were out of her office within a few minutes, probably to the relief of my poor doc !

Some Times You Loose
Sometimes for reasons better known to our body rather than ourselves it does not always take and our first try was not successful. As much as you try not to place too much hope into the first effort you always do end up investing a lot emotionally and as a result when that familiar pre-menstrual sensation starts to fill your belly you find your mood crashes as your hopes being dashed. Then you start to menstruate in earnest and it’s like you have been hit with a brick. Some tears and a couple of days later you dust yourself off and resolve to try again, knowing that what you are trying to achieve is worth a few days of tears.

And Some Times You Bleed
I would have kept on trying for however many eggs Judith had left, but that was not necessary as you now know. Some of us women know the moment when we actually conceive, a small and unique sort pain, then the sensation of a short trickle of thin, watery blood running down your vagina marking the moment the ova embeds into the uterine lining. It is exactly what I experienced about six hours after the second procedure as I lay resting on our bed at home. I put my hand down between my legs and brought it up to show Judith, she knew instantly what it was and the sun rose across her face. It was hope, it was conception !

Be Healthy, Be Happy

Nina Seeking Baby Names

Now my last trimester of this pregnancy is almost upon us, it has once again been a wonderful ride. I seem to fair well when pregnant, free from all those niggles and pains that so seem to afflict some. The secret is easy. Eat plenty of raw foods, lots of fibre, drink water, water, and more water. Exercise every day, never ride when you can walk and learn yoga. Have some professional singing lessons as they teach you how to breath properly which is indispensible when you are in labour. Be happy, get your family involved in every aspect of your pregnancy. Regardless of their ages immerse your other children in it, bring them along to any exams. Teach them about what is happening inside you and how you will give birth. In return they will love and support you no matter what happens and they will have a stronger connection to their siblings. When I laboured with Mariaske it was my children’s energy that made sixteen hours so effortless.

Embrace every change that goes on inside you, enjoy them because the pregnant body is most definitely a glorious thing. Make time for your partner, make time for love making, let go of your inhibitions and really enjoy it, enjoy it with passion and abandon.

Now, from my point of view, my aim is to make sure that this baby of Judith’s I am carrying will be in no doubt that it is surrounded in love.

Be Happy.

Author: Nina (Good Heavens Are You Pregnant Again) van der Roos.