Willothewisp

Archive for the ‘Nina’ Category

Gelukkige Tiende Verjaardag

I fall in love with her every day as we wake and the first thing I see is her sleeping face, every time she smiles as she wakes. Her smile is the sun rising into my life. For eight years I have seen her smiles deepen the laugh lines like parentheses on her lovely cheeks, setting her mouth off from the sentence of her face as though it were a secret known only to me.”

These words were written by Judith a couple of years ago as part of a lovely story of love, passion, and wonderful celebratory sex. Ever since I read these words the passage stuck in my mind having sparked one of those “Yes!” moments.

Cees, Peter, Mia, Nonke and I would like to wish Judith and Nina a very happy anniversary, May 12th will mark their 11th year together.

If you are new to this site, or a casual visitor you might not be aware of the extraordinary and painful events that brought them together, but from that dreadfull time we have watched this beautiful partnership grow as they have both grown. Despite some continuing challanges they have forged ahead to build a nurturing home for four children.
When Nina started dating Judith I seriously wondered if poor Nina had any idea of what she was getting herself into but then as I came to know her I realised that she knew exactly what she had gotten into, indeed she was just where she wanted to be. She has a warrior spirit and one who had found a cause she that felt was worth fighting for, it was perfect timing and Judith’s very good fortune. In return Judith brought the partnership the stability offered by a rock solid family ethic and the discipline of a sharply focused mind.
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Happy Anniversary my darlings.
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Lots of Love from all of us, XXXX
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Carnival Breasts

Nina and I had been out to collect Hilke from her physical therapy appointment. Hilke has spina bifida and every few weeks we have a physical therapist work with her to help her develop her walking and attend to any movement problems she has. It is a pretty tough couple of hours for her but productive so afterwards we told her she would not have to go back to school but instead we would do what she wanted to do for the afternoon. Her wish was to go shopping for Carnival things.

This is the Catholic area of our country and so here in Limberg each year we have four wonderful days where reality takes a back seat and we dive into Carnival. The show starts for real on Carnival Sunday, when brass bands march through the city streets. Later, stages are set up for live music and DJs. Meanwhile, fancy dress parties take place in neighborhoods throughout the city, each with music and entertainment laid on. Maastricht’s many bars stay open all night through carnival, and the crowds enjoy singing and dancing in the streets, most of them wearing their ‘pekskes’ (carnival costumes). The festival begins with hoisting the celebratory flag atop the flagpole and the sounds of cannon fire, along with the “greengrocerwoman.” The greengrocer woman is a symbol of luck and good fortune. The cannon is fired in the centre of town on the Vrijthof Square. This is the start of three glorious days of non-stop partying. An impressive parade marches jubilantly through town with participants stopping to chat, or eat, or shop, and then rejoining the festive throng. People are everywhere, in the streets and in the pubs, enjoying life! It is an amazing site to see the crowds watching the parade, as well as those participating in the march.

Maastricht Carnival Page here.

Each year I make up some costumes on my sewing machine and we let the children accessorize their outfits with carnival tat that they find on sale around the town this time of year. It has become one of their favorite times of year and about the only occasion I allow a loosening up the reins of sensible spending of their pocket money, we even top up their modest allowances with some extra gifts. With carnival just eighteen days away Hilke knew just what she wanted to do and for the next few hours she dragged Nina, Mariaske, Joost and I around looking at the Carnival costumes and accessories for sale in the various stores. The added wrinkle is that as far as she is concerned, herself and her guide dog Jos are one and therefore BOTH require suitable attire for Carnival !

After two hours Joost let us know it was time for his feed so we went for refreshments in the Bijenkorf restaurant. The Bijenkorf has a big café on the top floor with a nice lounge sitting area and good baby facilities. They offer a good range of fresh fruits and vegetables and snacks prepared and cooked from raw ingredients right in front of you so I like it there. Being lunch time it was busy but we got a place at one end of the big long communal tables. Sitting opposite us were some young women of the over made up, over coiffure type. Nails were long and perfect, dyed haired precise, make re-applied repeatedly, reading material was the glossy female magazine type full of stories of “Celebes”. One had a very low cut blouse and was clearly showing off her assets. They may have been worth showing off if they were so clearly not her breasts but those found in a silicon factory. She had a bad boob job with the lines of the implants clearly visible under her skin, the silly girl had gone for implants that were cheap and too big and the result was just plain silly, though she appeared unable to see it.

When I started to discreetly nurse Joost it did seem to attract a lot of attention from the young lady and after a few minutes she was leaning more on the table, almost pushing herself up and out – so to speak. It was a strange reaction and made me think that this woman was not entirely sure about the choices she had made about her body.

Hilke also noticed how the girl was watching. Hilke is a very bright little girl for a nine year old. She reads at the age of a sixteen year old and is very, very good observer of humanity. I suspect that growing up in a deaf household she has just got very adept at reading body language and mannerisms. She is also highly articulate and quick with her tongue, so when I saw her considering this woman so carefully I started to get uneasy…………………………………………………

Sitting next to me at the table Hilke went through some of her Carnival purchases with Nina while all the time keeping an eye on the busty young woman as she watched me nurse. Hilke was listing each one of her purchases and what she wanted to do with them when she suddenly paused. I knew instantly the moment had come, being a student of Hilke’s body language myself ! Speaking in what I was told later was a very strident voice she said;

“And look Mama” (“Mama” is Nina, I am “Moeder”) pointing to me breastfeeding “ REAL breasts here but over there………” pointing to the extensive bosom on display on the opposite side of the table “ CARNIVIAL BREASTS !” and then laughing very loudly at her own joke !

The whole restaurant stopped, everyone looked. The poor young woman was clearly horrified to have her pride and joy breasts mocked by a mere nine year old disabled girl and so she quickly moved to stuff her two puppies back down into her top and wrap her coat around her as she rather hurriedly departed.

We both looked to Hilke about to reprimand her for her somewhat brutal treatment of what must have been a rather unfortunately shallow young woman. She shrugged her shoulders and held up her hand palm open and said;

“Well they WERE like carnival breasts, No WAYYYYYYYY were they real !”.

Author: Judith.

Gelukkig nieuwjaar aan alle Geelse lezers  -  Happy new year to all our readers!

What a wonderful way to start a new year……..

This morning at 08.30 CET Nina gave birth to a baby boy here at her home amongst her family. Baby is fit and well at 3284 grams, 50.7cm long. His name is most likely to be Joost Karl van der Roos, though this has not been fixed yet ! His birth was faultless and he nursed within a couple of minutes of emerging. Birth mother Nina is also well, displaying few signs of having given birth only this morning, she is in all ways a professional ! Two hours after delivering baby she was playing Monopoly with Nicholas, Hilke and grandparents.

Mother Judith has spent most of the day holding baby Joost, unable to talk without crying for much of the day, overwhelmed by the truly wonderful gift of her own child that Nina has made her. She has been a picture of utter contentment, and perhaps still a little overwhelmed. This afternoon exhaustion finally overcame them and their children and we got everyone to bed for a long afternoon nap.

I doubt that I could ever properly express how immensely proud we are of Nina, and how happy we are that she has so firmly established the family she wanted, and in doing so brought such happiness to our beloved Judith, but we are.

Author: Tyjardia.

I am pregnant.

I have to say this to myself quite often because even now, some twenty seven weeks in, I still cannot quite believe it.

I am pregnant.

I think it is because this is a very, very special pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Mariaske it was of course special, she was my first pregnancy and birthing her was life changing for me. Mere thoughts of Mariaske lights me up inside, separation from her hurts me, reunion is an intense joy, watching her tuck up with Judith or Hilke and Nicky warms me. She is as the poem said, my north, south, my east and my west. My pregnancy with her was amazing, but this pregnancy is special, this pregnancy is, well………………

Egg Hunt !
Last year when we discovered by accident that one of Judith’s ovaries was still intact and functioning in an instant I was aware of my universe stopping dead in its tracks as the doctor uttered those words. My mind ran on and I realised that here was a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful chance. A chance for Judith to have the baby I know she was born to have despite the savage and traumatic loss of her womb.

Legs Up Judith, Egg Collection Time !

My mind raced through it – harvest her eggs, freeze them, prevail on our good friend to provide some sperm once again, have the clinic combine egg and sperm and implant the fertilised ova into my womb. I then provide the hotel services for nine months and Viola baby Judith !

When time restarted again words flew out of my mouth without my conscious effort; “I Want those eggs !” It was not a request, anyone thinking it was would have been greatly mistaken, those eggs were mine, I wanted them. If necessary I would take them by force because sometimes love needs to be expressed and shown. I moved to face Judith properly to say and sign it directly to her so she could not fail to understand, despite the problems with her eyesight; “I Want those eggs !”

She knew why I wanted them of course, stupid she is not. I knew what she would say, the arguments she would make about never wanting to put me at risk with an unnecessarily complex pregnancy or medical procedures. And she knew what I would say in response. This discussion took place in the time it took for us each to blink just once. When you know your partners soul so well discussion can take place in the finite and infinite moments between time itself. Discussion had been joined, arguments for and against made, voices raised, metaphorical crockery thrown and make-up sex taken place, all in a twitch of a facial expression. Her hand found mine and I was very happy when she found her voice and said to the doctor to arrange to have those eggs harvested, because all ability to speak had left my body.

And that is where this life now growing inside me really started. (“Life now growing inside me” – WOW!)

Egg & Sperm
Of course it was not that simple, few things worthwhile ever are. Firstly we have to prevail on our dear friend Nicholas (not to be confused with our son Nicky). For lesbians men still have a place in our lives if we wish to reproduce. Nicholas kindly donated sperm for us to have Mariaske and was happy to provide again. He is a real Gentleman in every sense of the word. Then Judith had to go to have her eggs harvested. She had to have regular blood tests done to measure the levels of hormones in her blood. Additionally, she had regular ultrasounds to observe the development of the egg follicles. Once her eggs had matured, but before they have been released from the follicle, they were harvested. In case you are wondering exactly how this is done I will tell you, but you may want to cross your legs now ladies.

This is done via a special ultrasound probe in the vagina. The probe is inserted and positioned under ultrasound control until the ovary can be seen on the scanner and then a needle goes through the top of the vagina and then through to the ovary where ten to twelve eggs are gathered. Judith informs me that it does not hurt, but keep in mind this comment comes from a woman who learnt to walk on a totally shattered pelvis, in my experience things like pain are relative ! Then we waited for my body to reach the point where my menstrual cycle put my uterine lining at its ripest. Fortunately my cycle is wonderfully predicable.

Lets Go Impregnate Me !

Ova Implantation

Then one day the lab works their magic and tells us they are ready for me to come in for implantation. It is not romantic as far as conceptions go, no candle lit baths, no romantic dinner, just a gynocological exam table top but it is the only way to proceed for these things. As soon as the kids learnt what was to happen they wanted in on it. We have always included the kids on all aspects of our expanding family. When two of your precious ones are adopted you have to make sure they have an active engagement in any new baby in order to avoid them ever feeling marginalised by a new arrival. Now I will grant you that in heterosexual relationships the occasion of conception would most likely be a private affair, in a bedroom perhaps, or the back seat of a Fiat Uno, a private box at the opera for the more sophisticated crowd (been there, done it, got the opera glasses !) but practicalities of lesbian life dictate a slightly more pragmatic way for us. So let me paint you a picture of the little outing that occasioned my impregnation, because I certainly think the little crowd that turned up at the clinic surprised the doctor, and she was already used to us !

Our kids, Hilke 8, Nicholas 7 are old enough to recall me being preggars with their little sister. In order to prepare them for seeing her being born they had spent time on my in-laws farm watching some animals being born, guided by my father in law Harry. We then carefully talked to them about pregnancy and birth so that by the time Mariaske arrived there was little they did not know about birth and were not in the least bit frightened or disturbed by what they saw. Children are amazingly resilient as long as you prepare the ground well for them.

Dr Meijer asked the kids if they knew what she was going to be doing.
“Yes of course, you are putting Moeder Judith’s ova into Mama Nina’s womb” came the adult and forthright reply from Hilke. The doctor was a little taken back by her matter of fact manner but recovered well to say “Yes of course you know” then added more to herself than anyone in particular “why did I think you would not !”

With me laying on the table and draped with some clean field sheets Dr Meijer picked up a speculum and hesitated and was about explain what she was going to do when Nicky saved her the trouble;
“Its a speculum for looking inside Mama, she has some in her medical bag at home” By now I could see Dr Meijer was starting to get a little rattled, its one thing to have your prcedure watched by your peers but quite another by two overly bright kids, but fortunately Judith told the kids to hush and just let Doctor do what she needed to do, suggesting that they each take one of my hands to hold. The ploy worked long enough to keep them quiet.

Once the doctor had the speculum in and the Os of the cervix dilated Implantation was via a thin cannula inserted into my womb via the Os. It only takes a few moments and very soon everything was removed from inside me and I could put my legs down. It was then Hilke, looking directly at the doc, delivered her coup-de-gras;
“That was very fast. Are you sure you did it properly? “ I love Hilke with all my heart and I am sure that she does understand the concept of “tact” but I think she just feels no good reason to use it. With implantation completed we were out of her office within a few minutes, probably to the relief of my poor doc !

Some Times You Loose
Sometimes for reasons better known to our body rather than ourselves it does not always take and our first try was not successful. As much as you try not to place too much hope into the first effort you always do end up investing a lot emotionally and as a result when that familiar pre-menstrual sensation starts to fill your belly you find your mood crashes as your hopes being dashed. Then you start to menstruate in earnest and it’s like you have been hit with a brick. Some tears and a couple of days later you dust yourself off and resolve to try again, knowing that what you are trying to achieve is worth a few days of tears.

And Some Times You Bleed
I would have kept on trying for however many eggs Judith had left, but that was not necessary as you now know. Some of us women know the moment when we actually conceive, a small and unique sort pain, then the sensation of a short trickle of thin, watery blood running down your vagina marking the moment the ova embeds into the uterine lining. It is exactly what I experienced about six hours after the second procedure as I lay resting on our bed at home. I put my hand down between my legs and brought it up to show Judith, she knew instantly what it was and the sun rose across her face. It was hope, it was conception !

Be Healthy, Be Happy

Nina Seeking Baby Names

Now my last trimester of this pregnancy is almost upon us, it has once again been a wonderful ride. I seem to fair well when pregnant, free from all those niggles and pains that so seem to afflict some. The secret is easy. Eat plenty of raw foods, lots of fibre, drink water, water, and more water. Exercise every day, never ride when you can walk and learn yoga. Have some professional singing lessons as they teach you how to breath properly which is indispensible when you are in labour. Be happy, get your family involved in every aspect of your pregnancy. Regardless of their ages immerse your other children in it, bring them along to any exams. Teach them about what is happening inside you and how you will give birth. In return they will love and support you no matter what happens and they will have a stronger connection to their siblings. When I laboured with Mariaske it was my children’s energy that made sixteen hours so effortless.

Embrace every change that goes on inside you, enjoy them because the pregnant body is most definitely a glorious thing. Make time for your partner, make time for love making, let go of your inhibitions and really enjoy it, enjoy it with passion and abandon.

Now, from my point of view, my aim is to make sure that this baby of Judith’s I am carrying will be in no doubt that it is surrounded in love.

Be Happy.

Author: Nina (Good Heavens Are You Pregnant Again) van der Roos.

Judith News

Judith is home and recovering, on an enforced 2 month rest, which she is trying to adhere to with good grace ! I sent the kids off to their grandparents for a holiday on the farm which is allowing Judith to rest but leaves her a little lost. We will go and visit them this weekend and spend a few days there.

The surgery has improved her eyesight and she can now read text more or less unaided. She will remain night /low light blind and it looks like the one dead quadrant in her field of vision is also there to stay, but the improvement in general vision makes up for these deficiencies. Now we must re-build her confidence in herself and get her used to being out and about once more.

Letter to Myself

I was talking to my Mother-in-Law Yolanda the other morning. We had been talking about various things, Judith’s progress of course, the children, the wider family, many things. She is a wonderfully eccentric lady and I adore her. Most would describe her as a Hippy, which I guess she is if you define a hippy as a free thinking spirit who does not feel bound by society’s conventions. She and her hubby Harry farm an estate of three farms between Nijmegen and Arnhem. For many, many years they fostered children as well as adopting Judith and Carol. It was Yolanda who inspired me to go from being a surgical nurse to become a midwife after watching her at work as a doula and absorbing her philosophy of child bearing and birth.

Today we had been talking about my dysfunctional childhood and she asked me what I would say to myself if I were writing a letter to me when I was 17. It was an interesting thought and so I gave it a try, several tries as it happens but in the end I came up with a letter I was happy with. Then I filed it and went off to help make super, but in the small hours of the morning i wondered back and re-read it. It occurred to me

So after much thought here is a letter to myself, or rather myself of fourteen years ago:

Dear Nina,

At 17 you find it hard to see past the end of the next week but I want to give you a little “heads-up” on your future.

You already know you are lesbian and I have nothing to update you on in that regard, you are still playing on the girls team- Go Girls !

Breaking up is hard to do, but never settle for less than what is best for you because what is best for you is waiting out there so never be tempted to just settle.

Thank Mevrouw de Vrees once in a while, she is not the pain in the ass you think she is, she is just teaching you to be honest with yourself and help you get the most out of you.

You are thinking about going into the Koninklijke Landmacht, follow your instinct, it will serve you well.

When you are in a big city and see the trams moving about take the time to get to enjoy riding them because one day you will have the most important and romantic day of your life on one, and the romance of that tram trip will remain with you always.

Don’t worry about your parents and their total lack of parenting ability because you are going to meet some people in a few years who really know how to be parents and they will love you as their own.

As I sit here writing this letter to you I am looking at your future wife, surprised ? I know that right now you wonder how you will recognise real, meaningful love so let me tell you now that you need not worry about that. You will be in now doubt, none at all, from the first moment you see her as to the nature of true love. You will meet her when you least expect it, in the last place you would think of, under circumstances you could never foresee. I would tell you to be ready but there is no way you could ever be ready, sometimes you just have to let the train run over you. She is the perfect complement to the person you will become.

Now, here is the big shocker for you, are you ready? You have three kids !

I am your future you so I know that right now you do not feel you can be a mother or parent, I know that you have been told that motherhood will ruin your life but you must realise that are you are not your mother, you are you. You will amaze yourself, just trust in the Universe and draw upon the deep pool of strength that you have, and let your natural instincts guide you to being a mother.

With your wife you find true love, but it is with your children you understand how deep love runs. You will come to not only recognise love but realise that love of your children over rides all other considerations so you see you are not your mother. Where your mother is incapable of love, you most decididly are. Your oldest is a girl who is going to every bit as remarkable as her mother, you will have to wage a constant war of wits with her but she is so worth the effort. The middle one is your son, from the first time you see him he seizes your heart in a way that takes your breath away and I do not think you will ever get it back. He is a very special soul, look after him. Your youngest daughter is love and light, soft and gentle, from the moment you know you are carrying her in your womb you will be transformed. Having her will complete you in ways that I know you cannot yet understand, so be patient, do not be scared because there is nothing to fear when you have the love of those around you, protecting you.

And now ? well now you are pregnant again, with an extra special pregnancy, an amazing pregnancy, but that is all I am going to say, I will not spoil the surprise for you.

I could try and allay all those small worries and fears that I know you have right now but I am not going to because dealing with them by yourself is so much of what you become, that is to say ME.

Have faith and trust that the Universe will always place you where it needs you to be.

Love and Light.

N